Behind the Clouds


Returned from a mini family vacation and jumping into a full week of Kids Fun Club at church. Sharing a post from CaringBridge with prayers it will bless and encourage you. Please feel free to share with others who might find this post helpful. 

Yesterday and today I’ve taken “Debbie’s Course” on my walks.  At the top of the ultra-mega hill is a pretty spectacular view of the Saddleback mountains.  I’m a mountain loving kind of girl.  My perspective gets restored when I look to the mountains.  I grew up in Boulder, CO and still to this day a picture of the Flatiron mountains takes my breath away.

The last few mornings the Saddleback mountains have been shrouded behind clouds.  I know the mountains are there but if I was new to this area, I wouldn’t know based on what I saw at the top of the hill.

Looking at the clouds reminded me of New Year’s Eve this past year.  Dylan, Darrin’s older brother, his wife, Lisa and their three kids flew in from Kona to enjoy several days at Disneyland.  Our family met up with them and we enjoyed some laid back time walking around Downtown Disney, eating dinner at the Rainforest Cafe and taking pictures by the enormous Christmas tree in the lobby of the Grand California Hotel.

It had only been nine days of learning I had breast cancer and we were still reeling from the news.  The days up to New Year’s Eve had been filled with follow-up appointments, blood work, MRI’s and more appointments.  It was a gift to have time with them in the midst of life being turned upside down.

We decided to bring in the New Year by going up to their hotel room as it faced the park so we could see the fireworks show.  Disney fireworks are set to music and over the top BIG.  Right before midnight huge clouds rolled in and soon the fog and cold took over. Our breath became visible.  Looking toward the direction of the park we were able to hear the fireworks and we saw a few flashes through the clouds, but everything important happened behind the clouds.  Not seeing the fireworks actual felt fitting in light of our circumstance. The coming year wasn’t going to be about fireworks and hoopla. I was grateful and found comfort sitting in a room with people I loved to bring in the new year.

Today as I walked, I realized this cancer thing is bringing about things I cannot see in my life and in the lives of my family and friends. It’s all happening behind the clouds.  God’s purposes, which I do not understand and cannot see, are somehow being accomplished.

It can get hard when we aren’t able to see how what we do matters.  It’s easy to lose perspective.  I remember month after month struggling as a mom of very young ones thinking, “All I do all day is wipe counters and butts.  Does it even matter?”  (Shout out to mom’s with young ones! :))  Today I was reminded YES, it does matter.

Whatever path God has you and me on fits into a bigger, intricately woven tapestry.  It’s never an accident the people we meet, even the places we live.  God does not waste our pain, our struggles, our hardships.  But sometimes those purposes are behind the clouds.

I trust that someday God will wipe away the clouds and I will be able to see with my eyes the things He accomplished through and because of this particular trial.  Perhaps, I will be able to see this side of heaven.  Most likely I won’t fully understand until I am with Him.  I am thankful even though I can’t see, I am assured of His intentions and surrounded by those I love.