Poser

I remember sitting in the bleachers four years ago at the high school music awards ceremony. The seniors were honored at the end of the evening. They all stood in a line and one by one they shared where they would attend college in the fall. I remember thinking, “I wonder what Jonathan will say when he’s a senior.” None of us had any idea. This past Tuesday, just a blink later, Jonathan took his place along the long line of seniors. I looked over at Michael who is finishing up his freshman year and thought the same thing again. “What will he say three years from now?”

Really, none of us has any idea what life will look like four years from now or even a year from now.

A lot can happen in a year.

Last year at this time I had no idea this writing world would open up the way it has. So much has happened in a short time. This coming Tuesday (June 12th) my book will enter the FINAL review step.

And today I’m feeling chew-on-hangnails anxious.

I wonder if it will be approved. I wonder if they will find the story compelling enough to publish the book. And if they don’t, I wonder how I will handle rejection.

And what if they do like it? How in the world will I actually write a book? I’ve never done anything remotely close to writing a book. And if I write a book, how will I handle the people who don’t like what I write or how I write?

I feel like a poser.

This past weekend our friend, Mark, took Jonathan and me to the beach to take some photos for Jonathan’s graduation announcement. Mark has all sorts of cool cameras and lenses and a great eye for composition and lighting. I needed some updated shots for some conferences and events I’m speaking at this fall, so we went to the lobby of the Montage (my favorite hotel–not that I’ve ever stayed there…but boy-howdy the lobby area is everything I LOVE).

So here is my new photo for my Facebook writer page. Nice book shelf in the back. Warm. Writerly-looking. Clean. Dusted. But this is not my home. I’m just posing.

So on one hand, life moves along. It’s the nature of time. And before you know it, milestones are reached. Graduations and celebrations take place year after year. And sooner or later we each take our turn. But also, along the way, unexpected things happen like cancer. And books. And as God opens doors of opportunity and doors of opportunities to trust Him, I find myself in a posture of dependence. While I may feel like a poser, the truth is God has been orchestrating events and allowing my path to cross with just the right people at just the right time. And so in the end, whether this particular publishing house choses to publish or not publish the someday book, it’s all a part of something much bigger than I see or know.

Some days it requires faith to take the next step. And eventually those steps result in reaching a milestone like graduation.

Some days it requires faith to step into the unknown. And eventually those steps result in doing things you never imagined.

But everyday it requires faith to focus our eyes and heart on the One who holds our days and knows the outcomes.

For Him, by Him, through Him, with Him…

Your continued prayers are appreciated for the coming days. News about the book on Tuesday. Family coming in from out-of-town. Jonathan’s graduation on Thursday.

What have you found helpful when you experience chew-on-hangnails anxiety and poser fears?